Normal
by Lilac
Summary: Ami chan is just reflecting on herslef. Nothing too big. It was written in 5 minutes, so...


This is a little bit of Ami angst. This can take place whenever. I've scream most facts up, but try to stay with me.  
  
d/c: I don't own Sailor Moon or something of that concept  
  
Normal  
  
"Oooooooh, Minako chan, that would look so kawaii on you!" Usagi giggled.  
  
"Really?" she asked, holding the dress close to her body and looking at her reflection in the mirror.  
  
"Totally!" she squealed.  
  
"Usagi's right for once." Rei commented.   
  
"Yeah, that just so screams your name." Matako nodded. Everyone's attention then turned to me, looking for a comment.  
  
"Um, I think it would look nice." I say, in fail to think of anything adequate. They all turn back and make comments and fuss over the dress and what accessories would go good with it and should they get a dressing room, that kind of stuff. Things that I should be interested in. Things that I'm not.  
  
This shouldn't bug me so much. Yet it does. Once again I am left out. I am unable grasp these complications of 'fashion' and 'style.' I really don't care what people wear, and I see myself as no one to come to for advice on what is 'trendy.' For all I care Minako could wear a paper bag outfit and I doubt I notice the difference.  
  
Like right now. Senshi's night out. Terrorising malls and maxing out credit cards. That's why I brought a book.  
  
I know it's my fault for alienating myself in this life of books and concepts, but I do. It's the only way I know how to live. I like to challenge my mind, and become engaged in things that test my knowledge. Remember the birth dates of famous movie and pop stars just doesn't cut it for me, I'm afraid. Algebra over movies any time.  
  
I think it all started with the dead of my father. He had been in a terrible hit and run when I was 3, and I went to go and see him in the hospital. I can't remember much. All I can is his holding my hand, and smiling. Then, I remember a long beep, and surgeons and doctors of all kinds came in. They took me away. I remember reaching my arms out for him as the nurse carried me out of the room. That was the last time I ever saw him alive.  
  
Another factor could have been that my mother was never home very often. I'm not blaming this on her, it's just a fact. She never really was, or is, and I've always had the empty silence of the house to fill up. Since I was too shy to ask anyone to come over, I spent my days wandering through my mother's large collection of books. I read and read, the dialogues looking somehow interesting, even though they were past my mental compassity. Nevertheless, I learned. I taught myself the larger words by looking them up in the numerous dictionaries we had. After I got over the language composure, I could understand everything.  
  
By the time I was 8 I could do complicated algebraic expressions. I'd practise them everyday after school, challenging myself to do bigger ones then I had the previous night. I soon began taking an interest in my mother's medical books. I like the precision, the perfection of it. It had to be done just right, or else your patient could die.  
  
Perfection. That's what I had always strived for. It was my goal to become a doctor. I had to be perfect to do that. I had to be without flaws. And yet, there are no human beings without flaws are there? I've learned this, yet I cannot get these stupid idealisms out of my head. So I force myself to go higher and higher to defeat my reasoning. Sometimes I think I've made it. Other times, I think Ihave more flaws the Usagi in an ice cream parlour.  
  
You would have thought by now I'd be in Harvard or something else. No, I'm not. I've had offers to me for numerous schools, moving up grades, everything you can imagine. Why? I had the intellect. I had the will and the strength. Why didn't I go ahead?  
  
Normality. Then one thing I always remember was wanting some substance of normal in my life. The problem was I had no idea what 'normal' would be. There was one thing I knew though. Normal was not moving up five grades. So I stayed at my age level, in hopes that I would somehow be normal. I can't say it worked, but I tried, ne?  
  
I was simply too shy to make friends. I could never approach anyone, and they would never say anything to me because I'm 'Ami the brain.' You can rely on me to help you study, but I'm not 'friend' material.  
  
Which might as well have gone well, because the activities they took part in were of no interest to me. Gawking over some new boy, or fantazising about a pop star were simply things that made me question the intelligence of our species. If this was what normal was, I had to reconsider my thinking.  
  
Then, these 5 great people come into my life and I realise they're not so bad. They're kind, and they're considerate. They care about what I'm feeling, what I'll be doing after school. They tease me and laugh with me, plan sleep overs with me. They were my friends.  
  
Yet, even with these great people surrounding me, I still felt left out. Maybe its something I can't control. I will always feel left out, isolated.  
  
"Yeah, I'm going to go and try it on." Minako decided. Usagi gave her the thumbs up. Rei glanced an eye over me.  
  
"Hey Ami, what's up?" she asked. I snap out of my thoughts and blush.  
  
"Nothing." I reply.  
  
"Hey, maybe we should find you a dress." Matako says, giving a grin.  
  
"Yeah, we all know you need a new wardrobe Ami!" Usagi squeals, grabbing my arm. "C'mon!"  
  
"Yeah, it wouldn't hurt for you to try some things out Ami." Minako agrees, smiling. "And besides, I saw this gorgeous blue top over in the corner, that would look so good on you, I swear you have to see it!"  
  
"I don't know, I mean,"I tried to speak in my defence, but I couldn't.  
  
"We will have none of this Ami chan." Rei san insists. "You must go and check it out!" Suddenly she's pushing at my back.  
  
"Minna san..."  
  
"C'mon, let's get going!" Suddenly all the scouts have some part of me, and are dragging me over to a rack. I laughed lightly as they take me along this wild ride, comteplating tops and pants and skirts, and everything else under the sun.  
  
And for a moment, I feel normal.  
________________________________________________________________________  
  
Yes, stop begging me to stop writing. Gomen, I'm not sure what happened to Ami's dad, and so I'm probably way off, forgive me. For now, he's dead, hai? I just had to write something like this and get it out of my system. Review if you have anything to say. Or email me if you want. Ja ne!  
  
Lilac  
Proud Supporter of PDM


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